Ode to Lois Vuitton

Oh le voi
Oh le voi
hoochie coochie la la la

The smell of your skin
lights up my grin
while I think of Rumpelstiltskin

I lace my fingers on your calves.
Your color moves me, cuts me in half.

I don't care what they say.
You're not some old bag.

The lining of your insides
keeps me on track.

So thick, yet so hollow.
I'm yours for the swallow.

Not meant for swinging.
Just some ding a ling.
Like 'lil old me.

Oh le voi
Oh le voi
touche on your beauty
you've really got it all

Just Another Pity Charity

There's no sex in your violence.
You inhaled all my incense.

Imprisoned me from my day of birth.
Played with me in wreckless mirth.

Hacked my breasts out without a caress.
Then scooped me up under duress.

Yanked my chain to a cloud.
Then rammed me under the ground.

Who the hell wants to have sex
with the blood zombie hex?

But you created her.
A Frankenbride to live in the blur.

Who are you to morph my life into highs and lows?
I refuse to have sex with a rising gigalo.

Sapped the raw hot blood I was born with.
Used it to break free, then left me lifeless.

You puppeted my strings
to set YOU free
and leave the leftovers for me.

Again and again, down the same course
I was born to be the girl you saw in your dreams.
But you kept her back, and ripped up all her seams.

You puppeted my strings
to set YOU free
and leave the shit for me.

Again and again, down the same course.
In that circular vein, there is no remorse.

Except the annoyance of feeding a bucked tooth horse.
And how the look of it all would lead to vengeful recourse.

Sex comes from self-feeding a life of your own.
But you've seen to it that I'll always be a bored, catch up, clone.

Go to hell.
You're happier there anyway.

A Raisin In The Sun

I've doing some thinking. I've been unemployed long enough and I really want to be able to complete my well-being and build "trust" for my next employer. That will take some time, given my current health. So until that happens, I'm going to bite the cheap girl bullet.

I'm going to file for unemployment this week. It's the fastest and most immediate form of government "aid" that anyone who is umemployed is eligible for. It isn't everything, but its something for the time being.

Grace comes from biting crow. . .

In the meantime, I'm going to replay my favorite Syndey Portier film in my head, A Raisin In The Sun. Really educational, but compelling stuff. My parents were dead wrong. Art can be so true to life. . .

Everything

Everything you do, you do for me.
Is it for me or for the need to have me?

Not the me I want and need to be for you,
but the me you want me to be for you.

Because you paid the price.
You deserve the final prize.

There was a time, I thought our wants and needs for each other were one and the same.
Now, I'm waffling. The way you show your love continues to be a game.

I have met every Golden Mean you challenged me to meet.
But you have yet to meet your Golden Mean for us to be

the "real" couple of growth we're supposed to be,
instead of the golden, happy couple we "deserve" to be.

Because the girl you fell in love with was bequeathed to you by a world that wasn't real.
Now that you're free, you give up the only true "good", to quench in mock appeal.

We are born real and good even if our worlds aren't. . .

With me, in reality, you can still be free.
It'll be different, but together, it'll be a breeze.
To get it, you have to come down to meet me. . .

Book Recommendation

Great book I read but forgot. I'm going to try to re-read it tonight. You don't have to follow my lead, but it may just give you the right mojo to find your Golden Mean.

It's called Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama.

Another thing

I have resented the back and forth giddiness and ease with which we treat the on going state of war and violence like its a game or cartoon to be laughed at. I also resent the ease and giddiness with which we laugh and make fun of people who have every incentive and need to stop the war because of the what it has cost their health and happiness.

I don't find it very amusing. That's not living by the Golden Rule.

Laugh at me and people like me who have beared this cost and you're laughing yourself all the way to a world that will never see peace.

Not to say that we can't find joy, bliss and humor in the present moment. But maybe we should be laughing at those who want to keep this damn thing going. Laugh them all the way out of their house. . .

An End

I've decided for now, that until each an every person can own up to their role in conflict, bear the responsibility of it and stare their wrongs in the face with the intent of not turning it around and forgetting it, but turning it around allowing themselves to enjoy the fruits of positive change with the people they have hurt and the new people they meet in the process, then I am no longer playing this "game."

Until I have something genuine to say or do about it, peace out.

The Me That I Was Born to Be

So who was and is the "me" I was born to be?

I've already said it. I was born to love, the same as everyone else. We're all geniuses or "special" on that basic level.

But what makes this "basic" trait I was born with different, unique or even the same as someone else? The way I aim to project it in the external world?

From the day I was born, I have not only needed and wanted to love, but I needed and wanted to be in love. Be in love with my child unconditionally, regardless of what that child could offer me, how that child could reflect on me, whether that child reaches its full potential for themselves or the world around them or how that child perfects or imperfects their hearts, minds and their souls. I have also wanted to be in love with a man who was in love with me in the same way at the same time. But we would always try to live by the Golden Rule. Every other "love", "interest", "like", "dislike", doubt, confidence, joy or sadness I have ever fostered or allowed myself to foster in my old life always revolved around that end.

It sounds like a selfish gift or need. But if I had this in my life or felt like I had it or can see it and feel it tangibly, then I can be a bigger and better person who is present in this world alongside everyone else instead of below or above them.

I don't know if I was mistaken in the way I chose to chase this born need for unconditional love. I put my inborn need on the the backburner to first fulfill the latter need to create a world in which they can live safely by the Golden Rule (with no fighting, no injustice, no limitations and no unfairness). The need to "improve" the world wasn't one I was born with, because I had no idea how "jilted" it was. But the need to "improve" the world spawned from my inborn need for myself and my future family to live well, good and by the Golden Rule.

So in my new life, I hang on to the need and want to have the basic family unit of unconditional life, because that's what I was originally born with. As a direct result of that, I feel the birth of the need in my adulthood to try to improve the world into which they are born into. But in this new life, these are "birthed" needs that I have to complete at the same time, not in a sequential chain.

The challenge is what choices do I have to make to allow that to happen?

And how do I hang on to my faith and my presence in this world during the moments it seems like all hope is lost in ever finding these needs?

I thought I knew in my past life. We'll see if I've changed my mind, shall we?

More to come. . .

Raising The Bar for The Golden Mean

I've already stated (or inferred, based on your external perception of my words) that when traveling in the same direction of a world collective for the Golden Rule mean, everyone has different scales of relativity for finding the Golden Rule Mean. This results in everyone having a different standard or "bar" for achieving the Golden Rule Mean. This is because the uniqueness of everyone's external perceptions, beliefs and values makes the Golden Rule different fro everyone or groups of people that are like minded on the surface.

And that's all right. Each to his own. What matters for peace is that we are all traveling in the same direction of the Golden Rule Mean for EVERYONE. For that to happen, we must be blindingly faithful (not necessarily blinding loyal) to the commitment of raising the collective Golden Mean Bar fo everyone.

And it happens slowly. We start off by being genuinely loyal and loving to knowing what creates the first version of ourselves. We loyal to knowing, loving and serving everyone and everything that helps us to define the external perception of ourselves, while struggling to hold on to the internal part of ourselves that we know is the only truth we were born with and will never truly die. It's our loyalty to this search that helps us realize that the lives we were literally born into don't necessarily define us when we literally die, but the hearts and souls we were born with always define us. Or at least it should.

I've always believed in reincarnation, where if you do things "right" and with the "right" intentions, your next life will be bigger and greater than the previous one. But what I never realized is that there is a metaphorical cycle of reincarnation that happens within each literal life. That's what I'm going through right now. The metaphorical death of the "childhood"I was born into and my rebirth into the next metaphorical life into true "adulthood." But there is an infancy this new adulthood too, the realization that everything internally is just as pure, raw, fresh and real as the day I was literally born. My struggle lies in making my outside life coincide with my internal heart. Is this possible?

Maybe so. Maybe not. But it starts with loyalty to the inner selves we were born with and ends with faithfulness we show to the external selves of others.

So how does one know when its time to "kill" off our past Golden Mean scale, "life", train or circle and build a bigger one to raise that Golden Mean bar?

In other words:

When do we know too much about our current life?

When do we have too much or too little passion to the extent that it destroys either ourselves or the life of someone else?

When have we lost what's real and entered into the life of unfulling "stillness", "stagnancy" or "selling out" to the point where we've lost a sense of who we are alone and among others?

Not that this is always reality, but it's your reality, simply based on how you feel.

The answer is simple but not so simple.

The minute you have the feelings that invalidate you and your presence in the world, immediately think of what you need to do to expand the externality (you external world and your mind), while stripping down internally to get as close to the basic, pure soul you were born with. That's how the old "life" dies, the new "life" begins, the Golden Mean scale expands and the Golden Mean bar is raised.

But the point is, in order to keep the Golden Rule Bar growing for ourselves and for others is to always live in and expand our external worlds while paring down to the basic, inner self we were born with. Make our conditioned or "groomed" selves smaller to make the inner selves we were born with and the external world we live in bigger and equal for everyone.

But how do you create the growing passion or motivation to ignite this change?

Stay tuned.